Ya-te
(greetings) Over the
years the process of adoption in many countries has quietly gone on without
many questions being officially asked about its affects and practices. As I am
one of those affected by adoption I would like to make all who read this a
little more aware of the affects of removing children from their natural
mothers and fathers and giving them to other people to raise has not only on
the child but the birth parents as well. We human
beings are genetically designed to have a connection to our mothers, this bond
is crucial if any child is to have a sense of security and belonging. This
connection is not programmable or removable by any means and cannot be switched
between people. No matter how much the adoptive parents wish or try to create
that connection to the child it is imposable to change it. Adoption
has been used in the past to forcibly remove children from their mother because
the mother is deemed by society and religion to be unfit to raise a child. The
only crime these women have committed to be labeled as unfit is to be young, unmarried
or of a race and culture not considered appropriate to raise their own children. We are told this act is done for our own good.
We are told that we will be better off. A justification used to condone many
atrocities in this world. IT IS NOT FOR OUR OWN GOOD AND WE ARE NOT BETTER OFF. Even if we are raised by the most loving of adoptive parents we are still
separate. We are not quite children but objects picked out from a catalogue or a
room filled with other babies.
Where do
we start? Who can we talk to? In reality
there is very little information out there in the open. My
question is are we doomed to wonder forever or are we aloud to learn the truth
about who we are. Are we to be denied the answers we seek? This is
not something that only happened 100 years ago, I am 38 years old and there are
many who are younger than me. I
have been blessed with a loving partner who is patient enough to help me to
cover some emotional ground. Theresa has many great and wonderful gifts that
help in our situation. But sadly most adoptees never find this in their life
and remain alone.
Origins are a group that can help, not only
in the search but with the understanding and support needed to find the courage
to fight for the truth and to heal. They understand what birth parents and
adoptees are going through because they are birth parents and adoptees. If you
are searching for the truth about who you are as an adoptee or are a birth
parent searching for the child taken from you then follow the links below to
get in contact with the wonderful people of Origins and start the road to
finding help and healing through finding the truth. Standing
Bear
http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/
Through this
connection the child feels every emotion the mother feels. Don’t forget that as
the child grows inside the mother’s womb it gains not only what it needs to
form but is connected on every level to the mother.
This connection is not
severed when the child is born, it continues throughout the life of the child
and the mother. Now by removing a child from its mother for any length of time
is traumatic on the child and the mother, but imagine if it is meant to be
forever. As adults we learn how to deal with trauma through the life experience
we have gained, often depending on the level of trauma adults fail to deal in a
positive and non self-destructive way. But how can a child that has no life
experience deal with the separation from its mother?
The answer is simple the
child cannot.
Not only does the child need to deal with the trauma created by
removal but the child also needs to deal with the mother emotions it feels
through the connection it has to its mother.
We human beings are taught to not
only understand emotions but also how to deal with them through many years of
teaching and observation. A new born baby has no means to cope with this
emotional trauma in any way and this act lays down a foundation trauma that few
recover from.
The child deals with emotional stress by being held and comforted
by the mother. Through that genetic bond the feelings of safety, nurturing and
protection is given to the child. There is no genetic connection to adoptive
parents and this is not the adoptive parents fault is just simply isn’t there.
They are not child abusers or murderers they just simply fell pregnant when
they weren’t supposed to.
In many cases they were hidden away in church run,
government funded un-wed mothers homes till they gave birth.
They were
intimidated into signing illegal documents giving away their rights and as
their child comes into this world a pillow is placed over the mothers face, the
umbilical cord is cut and the child is taken away without the mother even being
able to see the child she gave birth to.
After the trauma of this act the
mother is simply told to forget that this ever happened and to get on with
their life.
This practice still happens today here in Australia and in many
other countries around the world. There is no amount of counseling or help
that can get a mother through this act, they are scared for life. Often they
commit suicide or live in the shadows of life till they leave this world
ashamed and broken.
The child they gave birth to wonders through life separate
from everyone around them, not belonging, not knowing who they are and where
they come from, being told they are loved but not really being able to feel it
inside. Doomed to wonder through life either in denial or searching for home.
We grow up as being so different that
we sometimes question if we are actually human beings or are we another
form of life.
We often are unable to feel emotions at the same level as
everyone else around us and this reinforces that we are separate and wrong.
Many of us feel like it is our own fault that our mothers were unable to raise
us and that they hated us that is why we were discarded.
But as adults with a
lot of effort and courage we start to ask questions about who we are and where
we come from. So the search begins.
Due to the illegal
adoption practices of the past and the fear of liability and truth the
organizations and governments make the search almost impossible.
You are
charged large sums of money to gain copies of documents that have all the
information you need to find the answers blacked out or missing.
The closer to
the truth you get the more walls you face until you ask one too many questions
and the response you get is that the records are lost and there is nothing you
can do about it so get on with your life.
How can we when we need this
knowledge to move on with our life and our relationships?
How can we live a
happy and productive life without knowing where we come from and who we are?
How do we answer people’s questions about medical history and ancestry?
How do
we face a life feeling alone and misunderstood?
In many cases like my own we
have an indigenous ancestry.
But we are frauds and outcasts because we have no
proof and we cannot name our family or prove bloodlines.
The rules governing POWs in the Geneva Convention
are more humane and stricter than the laws around adoption.
As many of the
documents needed to trace ancestry are held by church run organizations they
are not bound to release them or admit there existence and no court or Politician
will go against the church.
The different churches have placed financial
liability above the truth and the wellbeing of the people.
They ignore their
own teachings when money is involved.